WANDERLUST in the city

It’s been 13 months, how are y’all doing?

Terribly sorry I wont MIA but I’m happy to report that all is well. What’s more? I’m happy.

This past year has been life changing for me. Since last summer, I’ve been the editor-in-chief of my college publication. My predecessors left next to nothing in terms of training/turnover procedures, so I was left to fend for myself and looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve learned so much, from how to figure out an effective production schedule for my staff, to negotiating with printers on bindings and stock options, to hiring a team of 30, to restarting the magazine’s social media activities. I was an octopus, I had a hand in everything. Now that the academic year is over, I have 6 wonderful issues to look back on. The increase in quality (text, visuals, organization) from Issue 1 to 6 is astonishing and I have my team to thank for that. I’ve met and befriended such wonderfully talented writers, artists, and designers.

At the same time, my poetry has been accepted at a handful of literary journals, I published half a dozen original illustrations for the university press, I won some scholarship, and now I’m working as a book developer and doing a literary magazine fellowship at the same time.

For the first time in my life, I’m also living on my own and I can’t say enough about how liberating it feels to be independent. My relationship with both my parents have improved drastically as well.

Life has been good. Tough, of course. But it’s only tough because it’s good.

I am going to do my best to have a blast this summer. 🙂

in·com·mu·ni·ca·do

my brain and my will, that is. to cheer myself up, here is my TO LOOK FORWARD TO list after exams:

– THE HOBBIT

– SKYFALL (dad wants to see it)

– infinite trips to Frida & Diego (at the AGO, so sublime!)

– SLEEP

– ALL THINGS ANTHONY BOURDAIN

– some sort of massive steak dinner, i deserve it!

– READING FOR PLEASURE (i love reading plato, but it’s nice to read stuff i won’t be tested on)

– ANNA KARENINA (I know Keira is a bit hit and miss, but i love her and Joe Wright. All his films are to my taste)

– seeing friends (i’ve been the worst about meeting up. i simply don’t have time!)

– working out!!!

– geeking out w/ shakespeare fans!!

 

cooking my own meals

I’ve re-appropreiated his NYC themed Q&A. Original found here.

What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in T?
Most recently: Yuki-no-hana. I’m a bit squeamish when it comes to raw food – but gah, best sashimi I’ve had so far!

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day?
Self-inflicted abuse of my senses:  eyes (reading and videos), ears (music and audiobooks), touch (writing calluses), smell (perfume), taste (food!)

What’s your drink?
coffee for most days, beer cider on summer afternoons

How often do you prepare your own meals?
no time to cook during the school year–but nearly everyday during the holidays

What’s your favorite medication?
ginger ale

What’s hanging above your sofa?
don’t have a sofa – but i just bought two giant posters. one is Raphael’s “School of Athens” and the other, predictably, is Van Gogh’s “Starry Night”

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
i only get one hair cut per year-so i usually dole out $60. But if i had time for frequent trimmed, then $25

When’s bedtime?
when i’ve done the next couple days’ prep aka. 2am

Who is your mortal enemy?
my less proactive self

Times, Post, or Daily News?
I subscribe to the times.

Where do you go to be alone?
when i put on my earphones 

 

interim

I’m feeling slightly queasy. My dad tried his hand at making fish, as in fish and chips. Without meaning to pun, it was very fishy – i had to drown it in chili spring roll sauce to mask that.

Anyway, i promised a monster post a couple weeks back so here it goes. Be warned – incoherency ahead! I jotted down bits and pieces of my thoughts over the weak and I didn’t realy make an effort to make them cohesive. This is literally a brain dump.

I was mending my yoga pants and listening to James Vincent McMorrow‘s devastating Follow You Down to the Red Oak Tree when my dad popped his head into my room and ASKED FOR THE SONG’S NAME! He literally disagrees with most of my music tastes (except for oldies and classical music) so this was kind of strange/awesome. He said the singer’s voice is very special – which is basically the reason why i love James VM so much! So much softness and strength! And oh yeah, I may have raved about that movie too – the one that cemented my undying devotion to Benedict Cumberbatch…?

I love entirely too much. this sounds like an odd thing to pronounce, but i don’t think i have enough love IN me, not enough for myself. Anyway, a portion of my time went into reading this. Tony Bourdain is such a character, that’s why I enjoy his shows (and the first couple of books were great!) so much. He’s lively and unpretentious (well, at least not to himself). I love real travel-food documentaries. I want to see the culture of the real folks, not just the touristy “hidden gems”. This also goes some ways to explain why I love “An Idiot Abroad“. Karl Pilkington is unlike anyone you will ever meet/ see/ hear of. He is just brilliant. Completely unassumingly, ignorantly brilliant – which is the best kind for reality shows!

oh! I found this fantastic site that links a ton of films, books, podcasts, to classic material! I have so many documentaries awaiting my attention it’s both delightful and depressing at the same time. Depressing because it’ll be a good month before i can even venture into the world of self-indulgence.

[brb – tummy feeling queasy!!! … is this TMI?]

Hmm… what else? I must one of the only people that didn’t talk about the US elections! Too much ink has been spilt on the issue already so i don’t want to dwell on it. I’m happy that he won – I disagree with Romney on several key points, but I don’t think he’s a bad person nor do I think he wants USA to go down the drain as a country. My mother is the opposite of me in politics, so our most recent skype meet was intense and a bit exhausting. But hey, she’s supposedly talking to Democrats online in order to “see the light”. She sees Obama in the same way I see Romney: ultimately nice guy – but not up to the task of being president.

on an utterly frivolous issue – i’ve been doing lots of online window shopping lately (due to my materialistic but stingy ways). I’ve come to realize something during these pseudo-shopping sprees: I view money in a completely different way than i did when i was jobless. Back when i didn’t have a job, i would easily buy things if i had the money. but now that i do have a job, i can never justify frivolous purchases to myself. i guess everyone experiences this maturity? But a lot of my friends think my frugal ways are hilarious. For instance, i have very sensitive to heat, so if i buy a coffee and the shop doesn’t offer cardboard sleeves, i always ask for an extra cup. when i finish my coffee, rather than throwing away the whole thing, i carry my unused extra home and save it for a day when i don’t feel like bringing my tumblr. is that too extreme? it’s no trouble at all to bring a paper cup home!

another thing i’ve come to realize during my vocal/visual arts haitus: the aforementioned arts are def not my forte. most of the time, i imitate. when i sing, i am always trying to mirror the original over some great cover. i haven’t painted anything original in months – always drawing waterlilies or starry night. i need to get back into doing more creative prints!! i miss it so! my creative writing, though not by any means especially outstanding – is completely my own, even if i can’t define what my style is.

This leads me to another point. I am so grateful that i have so many forms of creative outlet. I never feel ennui. In his second autobiography, stephen fry said that he and hugh laurie once exclaimed “how lucky we are!” They spent their days in cafes and vinyl shops after 20min of voice-over work (which pays very well). they did what they loved best, writing and acting together!

and of course talking about Fry always somehow leads me to his reproduced letter in Moab Is My Washpot which contains the immortal words “I tell you now that everything I feel now, everything I am now is truer and better than anything I shall ever be. Ever.” Fry wrote this when he was 16 and deeply unhappy.

I am not deeply unhappy, but if i may say so myself, i am deeply troubled. And every time I read these words, I am destroyed. Stephen Fry, over all these years, has always been so real, so authentic, so loyal to his feelings – whatever they may be. He never shied away from his self as he sees himself.

I, on the other hand, never allow myself to be so unguarded. every moment of my life is planned – by me! I never allow myself to wander. this is exhausting, and yet the fear of anticipation is too great to bear…

 

my november

no, this isn’t some sort of cheesy emo song title. Am posting my November resolutions here!

1. keep drink lots of water and green tea!

2. eat healthy, fulfilling breakfast!

3. eat natural, non-processed food!

4. sleep better and longer!

5. STOP PROCRASTINATING!

6. don’t obsess over $$ so much – the small joys are worthy too!

7. delegate “relax time” everyday – even just 15min minutes is good!

8. stretch every morning and night

9 keep my room clean and tidy!

10. be grateful!

a practice in vanity

to look smashing in those chic cigarette pants (i am at least 10 lbs away from that)

to lessen my perfectionist, high-maintainence tendencies

to find a balance between frugality and indulgence

I am a pupil of wit, of Stephen Fry’s variety, to be precise. the hard pill to swallow is that Fry layers his charm on a solid platform of intellect, wisdom, and humanity.  to make comparisons will only cause my self-esteem to drop. but one has to start somewhere.

just sugar, bread, and potatoes

 

Today I opened a savings account under my own name. After months of deliberating and lazing about, I finally took the step and started earning the beautiful thing that is interest. I used to feel a pane of guilt every time I deposited a paycheque and the teller who ask me “if [I] am interested in opening a saving account.” The amount isn’t extraordinary, for most of it salvaged by my frugal ways. anyway, so now my money is sitting there, modestly and happily.

This is probably glaringly obvious to anyone that actually reads my rants, but now just, it occurred to me that I don’t do stories. And by that, I mean, I don’t report on my life, not in a narrative manner, at least. All of my entries are slim slices of my day – how I react, my thought process, what ticks me off, etc. That must be pretty dull, not to mention nonsensical to you most of the time.

Oops. I know I tend to ramble. I see this blog as my place to expound on the issues that plague my mind, issues that aren’t anecdotal enough to bug people about in real life.

Could this be an unintentional, misguided attempt at self psychotherapy? I have no clue.

I am really grateful for all of you for following the meanderings of my brain. It goes a long way in assuring me that I am not singular in my woes, my dilemmas, and my joys.

Cheers~

 

the capacity for human error

the late Nora Ephron composed this list. I’ve drawn up mine below (with ones stolen from her in italics). I’m not sure why I’ll have to miss things – but it’s cute.

So there.

What I Won’t Miss

sun burn (I knew i forgot something when i went golfing yesterday!)
Bad dinners like the one we went to last night
My closet
smudged lenses
Seasonal flues and allergies
Polls
Fox TV
Mammograms
Dead flowers
The sound of the vacuum cleaner
Bills
Small print
the smell of dust
badly dubbed videos

What I Will Miss

Spring
Fall
Waffles

Bacon
A walk in the park
The idea of a walk in the park
Shakespeare in the Park
The bed
Rereading loved books
Dinner with friends
Paris
Pride and Prejudice
The Christmas tree
Taking a bath

good mornings

PS. Sorry I’ve been AOL lately. So much on my plate – no time to digest. I’ll be travelling a lot this month so updates will be random (but frequent, hopefully – am glaring at my drafts folder right now, oh sigh).

how to dispel

I stole the following questionnaire from a BC interview. The answers are mine though.

When were you happiest? 
when I happen upon a revelation

What is your greatest fear? 
to repeat failure

What is your earliest memory? 
dropping an uneaten popsicle outside from childhood home

Which living person do you most admire, and why? 
my Dad, for putting up with me

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
Indecision. Mildness in my “external” life

What is the trait you most deplore in others? 
Lying.

What was your most embarrassing moment? 
rather than one dramatic incident, my life has been peppered with smaller, inconsequential moments

What makes you unhappy? 
some people’s inability to accept

What do you most dislike about your appearance? 
my posture. I need to review those dance lessons

What is your guiltiest pleasure? 
no idea

What is your most unappealing habit? 
Hoarding (I must confess I stole this from BC; but only because it’s true!) and insecurity.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice? 
Something with a mask, i think

What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you? 
things that used to hurt but don’t anymore

What was the best kiss of your life? 
secret

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
“completely”

What has been your biggest disappointment? 
Not adhering to my own standards

If you could edit your past, what would you change? 
Listen to my gut, even when I was a kid

What is the closest you’ve come to death? 
in my own head

What single thing would improve the quality of your life? 
being on task

What do you consider your greatest achievement? 
staying positive

What keeps you awake at night? 
time

What song would you like played at your funeral? 
at the moment, anything by James Vincent McMorrow

How would you like to be remembered? 
knowing people were loved by me

Tell us a secret 
i wish my body would catch up with my mind.

I channel my childhood self when I… 

The fictional character I most relate to is…

If I had to be outdoors all day I would…

My favorite quality in a man is…

My favorite quality in a woman is…

I’m terrified of…

My dream car is a…

My cocktail of choice is…

My celebrity crush is… duh!

My beauty product of choice is…most days I only manage two things: oil-free moisturizer, and lip balm.

My friends and I like to…eat brunch, preferably with cocktails.

If I could go back in time for one decade it would be…this is tricky! I’d have some fashion answers but really it would have to be a time when women had a lot of autonomy and optimism about what they could do and be. Maybe the 1920s? I’d love to hang out with writers and artists like Anita Loos and Elsa Schiaparelli.

As a teenager I was totally into…movies. I worked at a theater and would watch anything at any hour on TCM and IFC, this is what made me move to Los Angeles in the first place.

I tend to splurge on…my closet! Though I am really coveting a handmade chair at Heath Ceramics right now.

get to know

Height: 5-4

Shoe Size: 7.5-8

Sexual Orientation: hetero

Do you Smoke? No

Do you Take Drugs? No

Have Tattoos? No

Want any tattoos? Undecided

Got any Piercings? No

Want any piercings? Doubtful-I’ve resisted for this long

Bestfriend? Makes me feel happy and appreciated

Biggest turn ons: voice, wit, charisma, self-awareness

Biggest turn offs: bad hygiene? arrogance

Favourite Movie? Way too many to list, also depends on mood

I’ll love you if: you deserve it?

Someone you miss: my younger, less cynical self

A fact about your personality: intensity

What I hate most about myself: indecisiveness, OCD?

What I love most about myself: curiosity/interest

What I want to be when I get older: happy

My relationship with my parents: complicated

My biggest pet peeves: lateness, rudeness, lack of self awareness

A reason I’ve lied to a friend: avoid argument, save them the embarrassment

What words upset me the most: lazy, waste

What words make me feel best: that i’m seriously passionate about what i do

A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly in 2011: live life my way self-sufficiently

What I find attractive in girls: honesty, non-gossipy, endearing

Where I would like to live: Europe, PEI, Britain, NEW ZEALANDDD

One of my insecurities: never being good enough

My childhood career choice: broadcaster

My favourite ice cream: mango & pineapple or sweet cream

Who I wish I could be: myself completely and totally

Where I want to be right now: at a cafe reading (alas, no coffee allowed for me)

The last thing I ate: a banana

Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: uh—too private

A random fact about anything: i love long talks and long walks