awaiting

Emails are perishable, far more so than snail mail. They are not tangible items i have feel in my hands and yet they are so much more easily accessible. But we never do access them once their subject matters have been discussed and dealt with.

Sadly enough, the number of people who still write emails longer than a “I MISS YOU, LET’S HANG SOON” are quickly diminishing as well. People have elevated texting to a fast food type of art. Everything is condenses, so much is meant by those abbreviated words. People are too in tune now. No need to actually speak directly with others when your whole life is on display on facebook.

Mine isn’t, my life – that is.

Maybe I am greedy, want some REAL connection/interaction.

[Another deadline on May 14th – GAHHHHHHHH!! My screenplay is going well. I have to do a lot of research, but it’s quite fun – and I like to be historically accurate.]

I’ve decided to embark on my first baking adventure since high school. I am going to make a chocolate cake for my mother when she comes to visit. It won’t be very fancy, but I’m still looking forward to it.

THURSDAY: Pizza, tomato egg zucchini soup, rice, steamed salmon, decaf americano

FRIDAY: mexican fries, apple pie, decaf coffee (I needed some sort of stimulant, but still want to sleep)

 

how to dispel

I stole the following questionnaire from a BC interview. The answers are mine though.

When were you happiest? 
when I happen upon a revelation

What is your greatest fear? 
to repeat failure

What is your earliest memory? 
dropping an uneaten popsicle outside from childhood home

Which living person do you most admire, and why? 
my Dad, for putting up with me

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
Indecision. Mildness in my “external” life

What is the trait you most deplore in others? 
Lying.

What was your most embarrassing moment? 
rather than one dramatic incident, my life has been peppered with smaller, inconsequential moments

What makes you unhappy? 
some people’s inability to accept

What do you most dislike about your appearance? 
my posture. I need to review those dance lessons

What is your guiltiest pleasure? 
no idea

What is your most unappealing habit? 
Hoarding (I must confess I stole this from BC; but only because it’s true!) and insecurity.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice? 
Something with a mask, i think

What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you? 
things that used to hurt but don’t anymore

What was the best kiss of your life? 
secret

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
“completely”

What has been your biggest disappointment? 
Not adhering to my own standards

If you could edit your past, what would you change? 
Listen to my gut, even when I was a kid

What is the closest you’ve come to death? 
in my own head

What single thing would improve the quality of your life? 
being on task

What do you consider your greatest achievement? 
staying positive

What keeps you awake at night? 
time

What song would you like played at your funeral? 
at the moment, anything by James Vincent McMorrow

How would you like to be remembered? 
knowing people were loved by me

Tell us a secret 
i wish my body would catch up with my mind.

I channel my childhood self when I… 

The fictional character I most relate to is…

If I had to be outdoors all day I would…

My favorite quality in a man is…

My favorite quality in a woman is…

I’m terrified of…

My dream car is a…

My cocktail of choice is…

My celebrity crush is… duh!

My beauty product of choice is…most days I only manage two things: oil-free moisturizer, and lip balm.

My friends and I like to…eat brunch, preferably with cocktails.

If I could go back in time for one decade it would be…this is tricky! I’d have some fashion answers but really it would have to be a time when women had a lot of autonomy and optimism about what they could do and be. Maybe the 1920s? I’d love to hang out with writers and artists like Anita Loos and Elsa Schiaparelli.

As a teenager I was totally into…movies. I worked at a theater and would watch anything at any hour on TCM and IFC, this is what made me move to Los Angeles in the first place.

I tend to splurge on…my closet! Though I am really coveting a handmade chair at Heath Ceramics right now.

attributive compounds

MUST SHARE THIS. It’s an astonishingly candid interview with the great Jeremy Brett (who I should mention, was gorgeous and talented and thus, very accordingly stolen my unyielding affections. Hey! Another dead old guy to add to my list of obsessions ~ whatdoyaknow?) I believe this interview took place during his last years, when he was addled with both physical and emotional distress – some people believe that’s the reason why his words don’t conceal but reveal, unlike most actors’ speeches.

I’ve seen every one of the 42 ACD stories and I whole hearted agree with the general online consensus that Brett was the authentic Holmes as ACD had written and envisioned him, down to the barking laugh, the persian cigar slipper, the aquiline nose and impeccable wit.

FRIDAY: Hawaiian pizza, mexican fries, juice

SATURDAY: chicken strips, coffee, preserved egg congee, egg and tomatoes with rice

SUNDAY: congee, mango juice, baked salmon, stir-fried broccoli, egg and tomatoes with rice

MONDAY: 2 buttered honey oats bagels with strawberry jam, disguising coffee I made (I only had 1% at home!), chicken strips…

Living In the Cold

For the past 15 hours, I had been under the impression that it’s Sunday.

It’s not. It’s just the first Saturday I didn’t have to be at work. Am I spending this all too precious first of my weekend day productively and happily? I’d give a mild yes. It started me thinking that if I had more time, if I slept less, I’d be able to do and dream and all that comes with doing and dreaming.

I should re-acquaint myself with the rules of punctuation. I should improve my penmanship. I should actually get on that pen-pals thing I’ve been meaning to do since freshmen year. I should send flowers to my mother. I should buy Dad a new wallet. I should read and listen and watch all those items in my “TO-DO” list. I should get a better tank for my fish. I need to “clean out my closet”, both metaphorically (a la Eminem but without the hoes, and literally (hello, spring!).

 

verge

I feel like I’ve been sleep walking this whole week, floaty, airy, etc. In fact, I’ve been so off kilter I think I’ve lost weight (hold on, let me just hop on that scale: well, I still weigh the same).

I’ve always secretly prided myself on knowing what I want to do with my life. And it’s only in recent years that I’ve come to understand that sometimes I don’t know how to go about doing those things. I know this is hardly a startling confession to the wise/mature audience, but it is one that I value. I think it takes some courage to accept that.

I want to write, and so I write. Amateur writers are always told to “write what you know” and to be honest, I know very little. Although I have been very independent for the latter half of my 20 years (without bragging, I’m saying the truth here), I have lived a very sheltered life. I’ve been inside this bubble of predictability and… ordinary-ness.

I was talking to a friend the other day. She’s graduating this spring and she’s going to grad school this fall. When I asked her what her plans are after grad school – she said she didn’t know. She said she just wanted to explore her options and figure out what she’s really passionate about. I love her for saying that, for stating that she doesn’t know where she’s headed but that right now, she’s on a good path. It’s so healthy!

I can say this without fearing the cheese (since she’s ignorant of this blog’s existence) that I really look up to her. She has such a sunny perspective on life and yet it’s got a good dose of practicality. She works so hard (like 3 occupations kind of hard) and she’s saving up for her impending month-long Europe trip. I promised her that if the timing’s right, I’d go with her. But for now, we are going on a weekend trip together this summer. Just the two of us, and we are going to be impulsive and have a blast (just as soon as megabus.com releases those $1 tickets, damn it)!

OK, love-fest over for the moment.

PS. It took me 10 minutes to write this 350 words post. How come papers don’t come so easily!! I’m still doing reflection and analysis, just without the library research!

PPS. Whoa! I dared to be different today and spell-checked: but there were only 3 errors – and they weren’t even legit ones. Like I said at the beginning, it’s a topsy turvy day.

pause

I haven’t had any physical exercise (save for that 3 km walk the other day) for the past week and my body is feeling icky. I’ve just been so consumed in critical analysis and readings- God, endless readings…

Anyhow, i fully intend to revert back to my active self once this haze is over. I’ll focus mainly on cardio (because I don’t wish to be a body builder and my thighs are chunky enough, thanks): tennis, biking, running, etc.

Here’s my food log so far:

MONDAY: Grapes, string beans and pork, butter chicken, rice, orange juice

TUESDAY: Fish (Haddock) and coleslaw, coffee, chicken strips, oreo cakesters

WEDNESDAY: Mango juice, steamed salmon, cucumbers, rice, pear

THURSDAY: Timbits, coffee, steamed salmon, rice…

[ETA] I have a deadline on April 23. I have a poetry launch on April 25. And after that, I will be working 24/7 and my mom is coming for a visit and I want to go shopping for shoes and clothes (a whim I rarely entertain) and GAH i want to do so much. TO EXPLORE TO KNOW TO LOVE. Also, during this moment of unavoidable procrastination, I will create a workout schedule for May.

unbecoming

I have an irritating headache. Granted, I left my coffee a little too late (finishing it at 8pm) but I don’t think it’s the sole reason. I think I’m dehydrated. So I gulped down 3 glasses full just now.

A flurry of different emotions today – I don’t want to get into any of it but I’m tired and I want to go to bed as soon as I can…

FOOD LOG:

MONDAY: stir-fried beef, chili fish, rice, coffee

TUESDAY: Stir-fried beef, cucumbers, rice, maple coffee

WEDNESDAY: Klondike chili, cucumbers, butter chicken, coffee

THURSDAY: meat pizza (3 slices), Thai chicken soup, 900g berry smoothie, coffee

FRIDAY: Double baked potato, NY steak, ginger ale, cabbage stir-fry, rice, lam curry, coffee

SATURDAY: Coffee, breakfast sandwich, cheese croissant, banana, Indian veggies

SUNDAY: grapes, orange juice, string beans with pork, butter chicken, rice

dark gates

opened SHUT

by whispers from whose child

the ring

rings

Never close enough.

Tenacity

A friend and I were conversing over our eating habits lately and we both noticed how shoddily we nourish ourselves during this time of year. She’s been dining on a combination of sugar pastries and espresso drinks whereas I…

Where do I begin? My appetite has lessened considerably since my teens and I find myself more or less confused as what I want to eat. I think a huge part of this is due to my budget. Good food that’s easily prepared just doesn’t come cheap – no matter what the frugal gurus out there proclaim. Also, I simply don’t have the time to scoot for bargains… anyway, here’s what I’ve eat in the past week:

MONDAY it all began so well~

Breakfast: scrambled eggs (3), bacon (2 strips), toast (with whipped butter and jam), coffee (3-4 cups with cream and sugar) Lunch: Chicken caesar salad (300g with bacon bits and ranch dressing) Dinner: steamed broccoli (2 cups), orange juice (1 glass)

TUESDAY damn those chicken strips, they were on sale at the store so I bought a bunch and now I can’t stop eating them because they’re so easy to prepare! but gahhh-MUST STOP!

Breafast: Coffee (3 cups) Lunch: Chicken Caesar Salad (with bacon bits and ranch dressing) Dinner: Chicken tenders (4 small strips)

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast: Coffee (2 cups with cream and sugar) Lunch: BK Whopper, orange juice, Dinner: Chicken tenders, octopus stir fry with cabbage

THURSDAY

Breakfast: NOTHING Lunch: Korean Pork Bone Soup w/ rice and salad, lemon tea Dinner: NOTHING

FRIDAY

Breakfast: soft boiled eggs (2), ham Lunch: Chicken strips, broccoli, rice, orange juice Dinner: NOTHING

SATURDAY

Breakfast: Coffee (2 cups), chocolate cookie Lunch: naan, chilli chicken Dinner: naan, chili chicken, radish soup

SUNDAY

Breakfast: orange juice Lunch: naan, lamb curry, orange juice Dinner: NOT THERE YET!

General Spazzing

SO EXCITED!! I got my hands on the radioplays done in the 1930-40s with Rathone and Bruce as Sherlock and Watson. Daily commutes will be much easier to endure!

Also, they spare me the previously inevitable task of listing to Cabin Pressure. As I mentioned before, I love  Cabin Pressure dearly and am having a difficult time waiting for the fourth season to go on air (they’ll be recorded this summer, if I’m not mistaken)

Regarding Jeremy Brett, it’s probably a sin not to have done this already, but I haven’t seen a peek of the Granada series. Nope. I have dozens of hours of brilliant Holmes to see!! BC said on record that whilst he modernized his Holmes, he very much loved the pure physicality of Brett’s Holmes. CAN’T WAIT!!

EDIT: I’m whizzing through the Brett films like crazy! So good!