It’s been months since I last lifted a paintbrush and the foreign feel of wood against flesh made me shiver. I had supposed that the act of painting would be no different from riding a bike, that my muscle memory would come screaming back and the brush would once again feel as though it’s an extension of my arm. Alas, it did no happen this way.
It’s easy, I think especially for sentimental and emotional people to lose faith. Momentarily, I was angry at myself for passively avoiding paint. I was never without pens and markers, but painting, though enjoyable, was always a hassle. All the setting up, the water jar, the taking care of brushes, the cleaning up made the whole process tedious. Painting itself, is a lot harder to do. You have to keep in mind that it doesn’t dry instantly and the canvas is a lot more unforgiving than paper.
I’ve done a draft sketch on the canvas and put on some base colour. But I’ve laid it aside for now. Hopefully, i shall continue tomorrow.
I’ve had two cups of coffee already today, which is very unusual for me on a weekend day. It was raining this morning, and I wanted so much to relish in the coming of spring that I found my nearly broken umbrella and headed out. I used to hate the rain, and I think i still do sometimes. Rain used to make me depressed, for the sky would be gray and dull and i hated how it reflected my depression and sadness. When it rained, I had absolutely no motivation to cheer up and would dwell in my attitude.
It is still raining, and I can hear it drumming on the pavement outside because I like to leave my window open. Even when it got really cold, I would have a 5 cm crack so allow some fresh frosty air in. I like the cold. I like winter and I rather dislike summer.
Today’s post is all over the place, isn’t it? I don’t like it this wa because I feel as though I’ve said a lot without really saying anything at all. But I am too drained to change anything. Why am i drained? Is it the paint, the rain, the odd ingestion of coffee this morning? I don’t know.
I think i like saying I don’t know. But I don’t know why.