I have recently relocated to a new home technology-wise, so formatting and all the fancy stuff I’d been dying to do might take a while to materialize in their concrete self. It’s always a challenge for me to adapt to any kind of change, precisely because I am at the OCD level of being organized. Every year-end when I purchase a new agenda, I have to transfer all the data (such as contacts, important dates, information, etc) to the new one. This is not to mention all my aesthetic obsessions as well, I cut and past and arrange inspiration photos and texts to my agenda so that I have a portable “mood/ inspiration” board.
Is that really so crazy? To the less organized person, perhaps. But the point is that all of this messing about with preferences and bookmarks and options keep me sane. I like to have order, and I like to be in control of that order. Sometimes i ask myself whether I’m just some control-freak and I am often inclined to answer in the affirmative. But then I remind myself that at least i try my best not to impose my filing system onto other people. When if it does drive me absolutely MENTAL when they have to suffer at the hand of their own disorder.
Anyway, so that was a long-winded explanation of why you’re not seeing what I want to you to be seeing, although you weren’t aware of that until I just told you. Sigh. Did I mention that I also have a habit of over analyzing everything? It comes with the territory of being slightly paranoid.
Right, so yesterday was the inauguration of March (can you say inaugural if it comes back every 12 months?) and things are looking good. I mean on the creative front, at least, which is really the only front i give more than two cents about. I’ve been clamouring for an idea for the cover image of my eventual poetry collection for weeks and weeks and TADA! in lecture yesterday, it took shape in my head. I’m not the least bit surprised that I came up with it in lecture because it was a WL (hello, notice this site’s address?)lecture on Modern Art. I’m not a huge fan of modern art because it lacks order (I suppose you can categorize me as a traditionalist, whatever that means) but I’m always a fan of any kind of radical, revolutionary change because I often times don’t have the guts to pull it off. On another note, one of my friends commented that she thinks it’s rather presumptuous to make such a big deal over your own unpublished poetry but i disagree. I don’t think it’s making a fuss over it rather than making it more legit. I have notebooks and journals and post-its full of “verse” and i always felt that i neglected my efforts if I simply let them rot in the drawer. Thus, I make it a point to complete one chapbook per year. I’ll invest a good chunk of time and money (really just $20 at the Xerox store) in its design and format so i can get a professional result. Also, there is something oddly satisfying in having your work in print, even if you weren’t commissioned or the like. Plus, it’s wonderful to have total artistic control, I really doubt any publishing house will give you free reign unless you’ve made them millions and are J.K. Rowling or T.S. Elliot).
So that was another huge detour from my preplanned blog content. And in fact, I’d forgotten what i meant to write about in the first place. I’m not bothered by that, you might be surprised to know, after my explication of my mild OCD. I think it’s completely fine and rather amusing to veer from pans if it doesn’t affect other things drastically. My having diverged from my original thought-manuscript is at no cost to anyone, not even myself. And it’s fun to be impulsive in small things like that, just like ringing your chum for a dessert binge once in a while. Not always sensible, but nevertheless utterly enjoyable. And it isn’t always good to play too safe. I have that problem, and goodness knows I’m trying to wrench myself out of this shell.
It’s 1:41pm and I’ve got myself less than 24hours to whip my poems into shape before they’re put under the critics processor. So I’m going to crunch on that and possibly start on a draft of the cover image. The beginning of any project is always so exciting. I already took out my canvas and can’t wait to do some painting!